Whatever

Hey Folks,

So the year is almost up.

Dinosaur jr. : whatever's cool with me : I've been away...

I've been in a really weird place lately. Crazy sleeping patterns have me grumpy and feeling old, and so this isn't going to be the normal chipper, wacky, goofy, funny me you'd expect.

And who knows maybe I'll be serious from here on out. probably not. This will probably blow over

I've never regretted things much, but lately I find myself doing just that. Pondering on my life and wondering, if I shouldn't have stayed in PA. Wondering if I should have tried harder with this ec girlfriend or that one, wondering if maybe I'm being silly committing to an oath I made myself at 20 to keep my dreadlocks forever.

I don't even know what I look like with out them. Hell i could chop em off and grow them back if it's a mistake... right?

I can't take it back today...

Anyway so that's where my mind is. I feel super ADHD lately, as well. I can barely focus on putting on pants.

Pegboy : dangermare : Last song I ever write, Last song I sing tonight, I'm sick of caring...

Don't take this as some kind of depression post. I'm actually here in great spirits writing this. even though I'm grumpy and frustrated.

The thing is, I think I just need to indulge this mood for a bit. put it out there, to get it out of me.

I've noticed of late that I seem to hold things in more then ever. I'm very reclusive an safe in my protective bubble of habits and routines. I'd make some bold ass statement like once a week I'm challenging myself to do something I wouldn't normally do but you know what? fuck that.

Udora : fade away : I'm crumbling as something I don't wanna be

I'll do what I want, maybe trying new things here and there. But the reason we have a protective bubble is to have a place to feel safe and relax.

Thing is, I don't really ever relax. So what's that say?

Anyway - that's enough rambling for me today

Stay Strong,

-SamProof


Band : Song : lyrics

How do you Focus?

I've had this blog window open for about 20 minutes.

I've been sitting in the cafe for about 2 hours.


I've done nothing. NOTHING. I have a million fucking ideas in my head and I can't find the focus to act on a single one of them.

So I thought I'd come here and and focus on my lack of focus. If you were to make a mind map of my thoughts right now, you wouldn't come back with a clever typographical design of keywords. Every single letter would break away to create it's own unique mosaic. It's pure chaos.

It's like this


Maybe worse. Probably worse.

I've felt so lathargic and burnt out lately. it's a combination or doing a million things, and having a million things I want to do. I don't get to work on nearly enough of the things I want.

I sit here with lists of lists of things to work on... Path to Publication, CastingTube, Failpire, Short Race, 15x, dash30dash, writing, novels, Gone, Here, eating, drinking, jerking off, work, sleep, Sketch writing, Video making, vlogging, blogging, twittering, plurking, Pinging, chatting, flirting, branding, promoting, talking to the community, talking to the friends, talking to the fans, answering email, answering the phone, checking voice mail, checking email, checking myself.... this list goes on. I've had voice mails on my phone for over a week. Emails on youtube for longer than I'm willing to admit.

How do you do it? How do you find the focus on a thousand projects? How do you prioritize?

I'm trying to break the week up in to days where I force myself to work on a specific project. Give it a deadline. Thing is.. this is the 5th time I've tried to make this list. It gets lost, prioritize change, interests change, life is change, change is constaint, nothing stays the same. My mind is fluid. It goes with the flow of chaotic change.

I need an army of people to help me. I wish I could just divy out portions of my mind and say "carry this out" - and um.. do it for credit, and every week... mkthxilybuhbye. Is that too much to ask?

Things keep getting complex. I start thinking things like "if I can't commit to something once a week, I can make a rotating two week schedule... on weeks A I'll work on ABC & D and weeks B I'll work on XYZ and *explode brain*"

Srsly wtf?

I've never felt so unaccomplished and burnt out all at the same time, as I have in this last month.

Well at least I can mark this off from the massive list
Write blog - check
twitter about writing blog - check.

So what do you do to focus?